In two days, it will be two years since I have written words in this place. Two years since I have written almost anything, anywhere.
I have spent most of the last two years dealing with proceedings in Family Court, and while I will not write publicly about our outcome, I will say two things. Firstly, if you are going through the Family Court process, you have my deepest empathy. If you are a creative, even more so. Family Court is the absolute antithesis of the environment needed to create in. Living a life where we depend on our creativity to keep paying the bills can be a challenge, certainly over the last few years where Covid lockdowns and the cost of living/energy crisis have forced us to rethink so much of what we need, what we use, what we have, and how to exist without so much of it. Knowing how the Courts are used by perpetrators of abuse to continue their control post separation just adds further trial and tribulation to such matters as financial survival, and I am quite sure that is the clear intention, in so many of these cases. Knowing it, and overcoming it, are two very different things.
Stepping out of the process now, with a positive outcome, and a great gathering of support about us, feels good. It exhausted us, drained every ounce of energy from me. I am glad to close the book on that chapter and move on. I feel such gratitude to the professionals who supported me to advocate for my children, and for myself – and to all the women and men who stood beside me, held my hand, cared for the children when I had calls to take and Court appearances to make, who brought me supper, and cake, and appropriate footwear and who helped me with the paperwork, listened while I talked, drive me out to the wild places to help me reconnect with nature. If you are still in the Courts process, feeling trapped and powerless, take heart. Things are changing, slowly. There will be a time, sooner than you can imagine, when the Courts will no longer be able to be used by manipulative men to control and abuse women and children. The light is rising, like sunrise over the dark valley where so many women and children before us have suffered too.
And now, after two months of rest, and a week of illness, I am stepping out of the skin I needed to wear to get through it all, and finding myself faced with the utter joy of reclaiming my creative life – seeing myself in the mirror again, instead of the tired warrior who needs a good strong cup of tea, and a month of early nights. I have been knitting, and am taking mending in again, and have opened my order books for memory quilts for the year ahead. My Etsy is stocked up, and I have written some patterns to share with you. Energy is rising, the creative ebb and flow is rhythmical as the tides, and we are free. Even the chickens have started laying again. It may still be cold and grim outside, but the sap is rising and I can feel the energy of new beginnings rising with it.
If this experience has given me anything, it’s a bit of extra steel to my inner core of strength, a better grasp on my boundaries, and the absolute determination to support other women who are walking this path too. Which leads me to the second, and final thing I will say – the power of women coming together with collective positive intention is the strongest force on earth. I have felt it. Stand your ground. Advocate fiercely for your children. Gather your circle around you. I see you.
Creative focused blog posts will recommence soon.
For now, thank you for still being here, and for all your support.
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One thought on “Creative Pause, Ending”
I appreciate your comments about Family Court – one of the perils of modern life.
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